Imagine that!

Okay, so Sally, Jerry, Tom and I were all shopping at the MOA the other day, and look what store we came across! It must be new! :) I got a cute outfit!

Too bad I didn't get a discount for having the name Lola :)

Can people change?

Just when you think you know someone, they do something stupid and completely change.

Cal Gant. Babe, I thought I loved you, but after that stupid stunt you pulled. I can't believe I thought I loved you. I'm generally a tolerant person, but after this, it's hard to know what to do. I have your sweatshirt. Just come by and pick it up when you get out of the slammer.

 Cal, I thought you were different. I thought you were the kind of guy who knew when enough is enough. I thought you knew right from wrong. What's sad is, that I thought we had something together. I'll still be your friend, naturally... but we need to talk

For those of you who have no idea what happened, here's a recap.

For some reason, my ex-boyfriend Cal thought it would be a smart idea to drive someone's car into a drugstore... 

After hearing he was in jail, this was what I said to him:

**You idiot. I don't care what your motive was... it was stupid. Until you explain to me where your head was during all of this, forget it. **

I guess Tom and I were just better off. Less drama, less reason to run away from it all, and less of a risk of jeopardizing our relationship.

 

(isn't he hawwwttttt?) 

Que Sera Sera

I'm sorry, I realize I've been behind in my posts! -Not that a lot of people read them anyway, but for those of you who do, I'm back on track!

For the few of you who aren't in the loop at school, Tom and I broke up. We both realized we needed to move on, and that we weren't all that happy when we were with each other. We felt like we had to hide our relationship, and it was counterproductive, since we never got to be affectionate towards each other... the only thing Tom wanted to do was park it, and that was not working for me. Tom likes to think we're on good terms, but if you ask me, I tend to think otherwise.

Part of the reason we broke up was because I realized I had feelings for someone else. I'm sure you can guess who.

I know what you're thinking.... Cal Gant. He may not be the smoothest guy I know, but he's my knight and shining armor and my prince charming. We seem to connect more in a month than Tom and I did in a year.

Only problem is that my mom is less than thrilled. She's always been tough on me. She constantly checks to make sure I'm steered in the right direction; have good grades, dating the right guy and making sure the future she wants me to have is in reach. The only reason she's ever given me as to why she's so tough on me is because she doesn't want me to end up like her and dad. 

(Ahh... Young love. Too bad it usually never lasts)

My mom and dad met when they were in high school. I guess you could say they were sweet hearts... well for the most part. My mom said the biggest mistake she made was rushing through everything. She was caught up in the moment and "fooled by romance", as she says it.

She has my future all thought out. She wants me to marry a doctor, or an architect... ultimately someone who's successful. Go Figure.

Okay, got to go now! Cal's picking me up for the dance, so of course, I have to go beautify myself! :) More to come tomorrow!

XOXO, Lola

Two steps foward, one step back

Just when you think everything is going way, something happens and the person that stands before you completely changes right in front of you and transforms into something that you wouldn't expect. You watch as the people you thought cared about you suddenly take you by surprise and leave. You watch as people you used to hold hands with all the time let go and leave you standing there. You watch as people you used to laugh with no longer laugh with you but laugh at you.

Cal Gant. What the heck happened yesterday??? One minute you were fine and the next minute you lashed out at me and booked it out of the auditorium.

I guess it's only fair that I tell my fellow followers what exactly happened... (Cal that means if your reading this, you should stop now, because this part of the post does not make you look good...)

Tom picked me up around eight or so to go to the Christmas dance that night. It didn't feel as awkward anymore after I developed the slightest feelings for Cal, since he was taking Katie as his date. Of course, naturally Tom took me.

 Aren't we cute?? :)

Anyway, I was happy to be going with Tom. We had a great time, we danced, talked to our friends and spent a lot of time just being with each other. It was weird though because I felt like I could feel Cal's eyes following me everywhere I went. So when Tom was busy talking to his other friends, I casually went over to him and asked him what he was up. He kept on babbling about how relationships were so hard for him among other things, so I just told him that not all relationships are meant to work out and eventually he'll find someone. It was at that moment that I realized the the tension on his end was rising (Talk about sensitive). All of the sudden he started lashing out at me and started stuff like "Oh and you think you're so good at relationships?" or "You think you know everything about love". Well truth is Cal, if you're reading this, I was trying to be a friend to you and explain that things will look up, but apparently that only made things worse... even though I have no idea why.

I guess I'm willing to give him time to cool down and regain control, if at all possible... I know that we all have off days, and I hope that it was just a bad day for him? Maybe he'll come clean eventually and just flat out tell me why he's acting so strange.

Oh an uplifting note, look how good Tom looks in his senior pics!!! :)

Finding your Happy Place

Somehow, starting a blog has really helped me take mental notes about everything I've done in my life... well, since I started this blog, reflect on who I am as a person, and how far I've come.

They say that finding a place where you feel safe, where you can be yourself, and where you can always come when you need to get away is something that everyone should look for, if they haven't already found one.

As Minnesotan born and raised in the heart of nature, I find that spending time out in nature is really where I feel most at home. I get a chance to forget about the drama at Central High (there tends to be a lot), temporarily forget about stupid arguments I get into with family and friends, and just enjoy life the way it was intended to be.

Minnehaha Falls is a place that I've been coming to since I was a little girl. You know when you were little, and you got angry and told your parents you were going to move, so you'd back your suitcase, pack a snack and leave? Well, Minnehaha falls was and is the place that I go to anytime I need to get out of the house.

Since Minnehaha Falls is a popular place for guys and girls to come be romantic, I'm never surprised when I see familiar faces from Central high walking up and down the paths. Occasionally, I'll see Jerry and Sandy walking hand and hand along the path, and Jerry casually laughs at me, and tells me that I'm not the type of girl he envisions sitting under a tree reading or writing. My response is "what, because I work in a mall every weekend? Or I wear skirts or dresses every day to school? Or I have a hot boyfriend?" Jerry usually walks away with a sly smile on his face for knowing that he's pushing my buttons, but then I settle back under the tree and take five deep breaths... Namaste

Where it stops, nobody knows...

What I thought was going to be the worst dance I've been to at school in a while, it turned out to be the complete opposite. Naturally, Tom had arranged to pick me up at around 9:00 to head to the dance last Saturday night. I had an elegant white dress that was low cut but tasteful, and had gotten a deal at J Crew and bought Tom a white suit with a black oxford and white tie. Unfortunately, a while before then, Tom's dad found out about us dating, and told Tom he didn't want us going steady anymore... so Tom broke off our date to the dance and decided to take Maribee McQuinn instead. Since Tom didn't want me to miss out on the dance, he asked Cal Gant to take me (heaven forbid), so that we could still dance for a couple of songs. Little did I know, Cal was actually a smooth dancer... and a heck of a guy!


(Calvin Gant, senior picture class of '49!)

 Here are a couple things you should know about Calvin Gant:

1. Cal may seem tough on the outside but he has a soft side too :)
2. I'm told that Cal has a little bit of a ... you know.... crush on me. Isn't that cute??
3. He seems to genuinely care about Gretchen Luttermann, who happens to be the weirdest most socially awkward person I know. Period.
4. I constantly catch him staring not at my face, but about 5 inches south of there.

Here's a play by play of our night...

After the guys varsity football team had their scrimmage, Cal picked me up in an old Plymouth truck. (I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the least bit cool :) 

 

Isn't it just the cutest?? :)

Anyway, since it only had front seats, I found myself sitting up front with Cal. He had a smile ear to ear as we sat and talked... but I also noticed he seemed to be acting a little different. I don't know whether it was because my dress was cut so low that it revealed a little too much of everything, or it was just because he didn't want to go in the first place, but ended up being used in order for Tom and I to be able to be somewhat "spontaneous" at the dance.

Oh, and before I forget, here's a picture of me before the dance!

After picking up Steve, Sandy and Jerry, and after feeling as if I had some kind of mega whip lash from all the sharp turns, fast stops and start ups, we arrived at the dance. (I'll be it a little bit shook up). As Cal and I danced, I kept on glancing over to Maribee and Tom as they seemed to dance awkwardly apart from each other. On the one hand, I missed being in the soft and caring hands of my boyfriend, but on the other hand, for some reason, looking in to Cal's blue eyes, I felt some sort of... connection. Before I could see where it lead, Tom came over and swept me off my feet... literally. I enjoyed the smell of his after shave, and the feeling of his clean shaved face as he kissed me. I knew that this was the feeling I had been dreaming of, just like in the movies, and it was finally mine.

After Casually switching back to dance with Cal, I felt the same feelings I had gotten before, even stronger than the last time. But I didn't act on it, because I knew Tom was watching Cal and I with eyes like a hawk. Scary, huh?

I probably won't ever forget the part of the night where Cal dropped me back at home. Even though I only wanted to casually say good-bye, and of course thank him for the night, I felt a strong connection as he drew me close. I felt his lips on mine, and I found myself kissing back. Was that wrong? ...Of course, it was only my way of saying thank you for that night.. right?

....I still can't decide if I regret it or not, but if you'd ask me right now, I would say no. Ask me after I get a good-morning kiss from Tom... I would say Yes..

Yep, Story of my life.

The man with the keys to my heart...

 

find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat,
or will stay awake just to watch you sleep…

wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats,

who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.

one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares
and how lucky his is to have you…

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her." 

...and who says I still have to wait???

Happy One Year Anniversary to my knight and shining armor, my better half, my one and only guy...

Love you more than anything Tom!